


Memories

by Nagiru



Category: 07-Ghost
Genre: (Characters by the way), (I don't think there is any f/f), All the Ghosts - Freeform, Many BlackHakws, Mikhail & Raphael as well, Multi, Nor entirely chronological, Not Beta Read, Spoilers, There are several different ships, This is a drabble series, Varying sizes of chapters, first person POV, manga-compliant, might have some character death (depends on the mangá), some are m/m some are f/m, there is some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-02-05 23:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 56
Words: 19,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12804309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nagiru/pseuds/Nagiru
Summary: Series of memories (drabbles) from many characters of the mangá.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey... so, 07-Ghost. One of the less popular fandoms ever, but. Yeah. A particular passion of mine. Especially a particular OLD passion of mine. So. This story was actually written in... 2013 In Portuguese, of course. I could barely read English, back then. Except, I might have trained my English by reading 07-Ghost. So. There's that.  
> Anyway, thing is: this story is old. I've rewritten it when translating, but some things I didn't want to change: the First Person POV (for it would annoy the hell out of me to exchange it in every single chapter, and because I had chosen it for a very particular reason, in the first place), the main theme of every chapter, and its structure. Yes, I've rewritten the chapters. No one really wants to see the original versions, really. It sucks.
> 
> My original story _was_ beta read. And co-authored, to be honest. But as I couldn't get in contact with my former co-author, it is not beta-read anymore. And I took off the chapters that had been written by my co-author.  
>  As I _did_ finish the original story (with approximately 50 chapters, and something of 13k words), the story is _theoretically_ complete. I've translated/rewritten 33 chapters, at the moment. I come and go to this project as the mood hits me, as it is. But I plan on finishing it soon enough, so, I decided to post it now.  
>  Because of the number of chapters available, I plan on updating it every three days.
> 
> Some notes for you to understand the chapters: I have a chapter title, and in the Summary I will state which are the two characters focused upon in the chapter. If there is any warning (even if it is about slash), I will also add it in the Summary. So, read the Chapter Summary, please.
> 
> Well, now, hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito & Mikage. Teito as the writer/thinker/whatever.  
>  **Warnings:** (canonical) character death.

**First: _Memories…_**

_… never forgotten — Teito Klein._

You were always there when I needed. You always helped me, always accepted me — and I never thanked you properly, I’m afraid.

While everyone else glared, while everyone else scoffed at the _stupid slave_ , you came closer. You offered me a hand and a smile — and your smile was a saving balm.

I had always been alone, drowning in my own darkness, followed by cruel words and unneeded deaths. I had been a bringer of bad news, a fighter that knew of nothing but orders; and yet, I found someone who looked beyond any of that. Someone who smiled at me and shone down a light into my own dark world.

When I think about all the times you saved me, all the times you were there, smiling by my side, I smile again. I smile because you were my ray of light, my ray of hope, the one who slowly brightened the way into my heart.

For all that — thank you, Mikage. Thank you for having lived. Thank you for having saved me. Thank you for having extended me a hand, for having offered me a smile, for having been by my side. Thank you for having been _my friend_.

Thank you for these wonderful memories you left behind.


	2. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frau & Teito. Frau as the one thinking, Teito as the other part of the relationship.

**Second: _Family…_**

_What is ‘family’? — Frau._

When I think about family, there is no image of my parents. Their job could be broken down to a forgotten coupling that was followed by spitting me out into the world.

For a very long time, whenever I thought about family, I thought about the archbishop. Smiley, serene face. Big hands. Warmth.

Now, however, that has changed once again. Now, when I think of family, I think of you, brat. The stupidest brat I could ever find; the stupid brat I have to protect. The brat that I’ve saved… the brat that’ve saved _me_. I think about you, loud mouthed, childish, rude and kind as you are. I think of your smile, of your stubbornness, of your fragility. I think about how you remind me… of my own child self. Think of how you’re so important, and about how much I would face off for you.

When I think about family, I can only think of you. Because, as much as it pains me to admit it, you became part of me. Became my family.

So, when I’m lost in thoughts I try not to dwell on, when I’m drowning in emotions and too drunk to stop myself, the only answer my jumbled mind can come up with to the question of “What is family?” is…

Family is Teito Klein.


	3. Sweets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruse/Kuroyuri. Slash; some mention of character death. Told by Haruse.  
> (They're part of the Black Hawks, Ayanami's group)

**Third: _Sweets_**

_I decided to bring you sweets until you could taste it, but I found out that your lips were sweeter than any dessert – Haruse._

When this all started, I gave you the wrong food ticket. Such a stupid accident evolved into so much more. Because of such a stupid, everyday thing, I decided I would never leave you. I decided I would always be by your side, with the single promise to make you a sweet that broke the barrier of palate.

I knew, the moment you said you could taste nothing, that I had my excuse. If it were like that, I could always be with you, even if you would never look at me the same way I looked at you.

When you gave me your blood to save me, I felt the first inkling of hope. Only later, however, when you touched your lips to mine, that I felt so happy I could die. And it was all thanks to you, Kuroyuri.

Such a happiness, such a simple, easy touch… such a short contact… and, at the turning point where every thought became mushed with nearing death, a single, stupid thing rose in my mind…

Maybe the reason why you couldn’t taste food wasn’t because you were poisoned at childhood… But simply because your lips were sweeter than any imaginable sweet.


	4. The siren song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castor / Lazette. (Xing-lu Hausen being Castor's real name. And Lazette being his siren/mermaid)  
> It's a romantic drabble, with some mentions of character death.

**Fourth: _The siren song…_**

_… that, with its charming thrall, brought me back to your arms — Xing-lu Hausen._

I opened up my eyes to a soft, thrilling song. I familiar song. Soft arms wrapped around me, I turned slightly to look into the deep, sad eyes of my familiar, whose sad, broken, sweet song had awoken me once again.

“Come on, Lazette, I’m here,” I murmured comfortingly to her, petting her hair. Comforting both of us. Showing her I was alive, convincing myself I had not slipped under, even as she pulled away and touched my own face to convince herself she had succeeded once again. “I will always be with you,” I promised brushing my lips into her cheek. “For all of the eternity.”

She trilled happily, and I stomped the guilt down. No matter how long I fought with myself, no matter how much I believed she should be out there, singing to the community, I would always keep her close. In the end, no matter how much I tried to tell myself I should be selfless, my own selfishness would always win out; and, being completely honest with myself, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Because, in the end, I was afraid, as well; despite her singing being so beautiful, deserving of so much _more_ , I was still afraid, after all this time, that were I to let her go, I would lose myself inside my own darkness.

I was afraid, I was selfish, and I was not stupid enough to let her go. Because, despite loving her more than anything, despite wanting the best for her — in the end, I wanted to have her around, just so I would always have a way back to myself.

Because, in the end, her voice was the only thing that could reach me.


	5. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakuren / Teito. Hakuren's pov.  
> Slash, romance.

**Fifth: _Kiss_**

_And to think a simple kiss would affect me such — Hakuren Oak._

It was a short, innocent brush of lips. Not even a hint of a tongue. Just a cute brush. Something a _child_ could’ve done.

Even so, my heart trembled in my chest, earning for more.

Your shining, lowered eyes, the shy smile and the high blush on your cheeks. In that moment, after the most innocent and short motion, I knew. I simply knew, with all the certainty of an earning heart and a hurting face.

I loved you, Teito.

Our lips had been in contact for not even half a second, just the shortest heartbeat that welcomed my breaking. A plain, light-hearted love, a single moment before the growing loneliness. It was but a moment, and with a blink, it was all gone in shards. A single moment and I would be left behind.

A simple kiss, a small goodbye before the hope of ever meeting again.


	6. King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Told either by Hyuga or Yukikaze, to Ayanami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yukikaze, actually, is a character from Begleiter, the one-shot that prequeled 07-Ghost. In chapter 26 of 07-Ghost, there is a nod to it, with Yukikaze's quick appearance. He's never outright named, but Ayanami does mention something about a wind, and there's snow falling, if I'm not mistaken. So. Yukikaze. He's Ayanami's first begleiter, but... he died, I think? Something like that.  
> As it can easily fit Hyuga just as well, I leave it to your discretion to decide who's telling this one. But the direct quote IS from Yukikaze (since his one appearance is exactly this quote, "You are my only king, Aya-tan").

**Sixth: _King_**

_“You are my only king, Aya-tan” — Hyuuga. (or Yukikaze, from Ch. 26)_

The nickname first appeared as a joke, before I realized I actually _cared_. Before I realized how dedicated you were. How incredible. And became jealous — and ready to sacrifice myself for something, for the first time.

I wasn’t as dedicated to the cause as you, but I could be dedicated to _you_. I could dedicate myself to your dedication. Because I decided I wanted to see you happy, so I would do the possible and the impossible to make your wish come true. Because your dedication had touched me more than anything else ever had, and your dedication made me want to dedicate myself to you.

So, I decided, since I was so jealous of you, I would help you. Then, I would serve you eternally, and could maybe get over my petty jealousy.

And if it ended up with my death… well, that was simply one kind of servitude.

And you, in the end, would be my only true king forever, Aya-tan.


	7. The smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Verloren/Eve, told by Verloren.  
> Fluffy (I think?), romantic, somewhat spoilery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, for those who can't remember, Verloren is Ayanami's Ghost. The original one.

**Seventh: _The smile…_**

_… that thought me how to love — Verloren._

I could care less to life. I only did my job, and any more than that was a waste of my time.

Then _you_ came around, smiling and uncaring for the death that surrounded me. You, who always came by, even against the best advices, be it your father’s or mine.

You, who asked me to take on a face, and whom I readily obeyed. The one who smiled so prettily, so brightly, that I felt I would do anything to you as long as you kept smiling at me. You, who said to like being around me, even though I was nothing more than a _Shinigami_.

And you, who smiled. The brightest, kindest, most honest, spontaneous and lovely smile. The one who made my blood run faster and my heart — the heart I did not even _know_ existed — beat louder.

And, because of that smile, I came to love you.

I had fallen in love for a smile, I had fallen in love for the one single soul I could never touch. I had fallen in love, in the worst, most broken way, with the daughter of _God_.


	8. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ea/Landkarte, told by Ea.  
> Some slight slash, more of a one-sided romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about forgetting to post this chapter yesterday. Next one will be out on the 17th either way.

**Eight: _Tea_**

_I would always wait for the time where you would stroll so I could make us our tea — Ea._

In the beginning, I would be caught by surprise. You would suddenly appear into my room, smiling and bringing a box of sweets.

Slowly, with time, I learned how to feel you coming. Any time you would visit, I would feel my heart… my _soul_ … tremble, being “called” by you. And right after that, you would arrive, sweets in hands. And I would be making us tea.

You would provide the snacks, and I would serve the tea. _Our_ tea. Our time, our single moment where I felt good with myself. The moment where I would be able to smile without worrying about what would be asked out of me; in exchange, I would simply have to bear it when you laughed alongside, warm and heavy in my arm. It was never a difficult task — I would always feel good with you.

And slowly, with even more time, I went from noticing when you’d be coming to _wishing_ you’d be coming. Longing for you.

And, when you asked me if I’d known, I would smile, because I couldn’t tell you I had been brewing us tea in the _hope_ you would be called to me, just because it was _our_ tea and snacks.


	9. Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakuren/Teito, told by Hakuren.  
> Slash, romance.

**Ninth: _Cry_**

_The crying face that moved my heart — Hakuren Oak._

I saw your eyes swam in tears, and the slightest of trembles that ran through your body. At first, I wasn’t sure what was happening, and blinked in confusion as I reached out for you. You slapped me away with anger.

“Don’t answer me with pity!” you said among sobs, half-way into a scream and half-way into a broken whisper.

“I don’t pity you,” I said, mouth dry as a desert, heart hammering in my ears. _I’m touched. I’m moved…_ “I’m in love.”

“So why did you take so long to answer?” you sniffled, broken emeralds shining bright with tears and anger, and you were _beautiful_.

I couldn’t stop the smile that blossomed on my face as I took your cheeks in my hands, warmth seeping into my skin. I leaned closer, kissing your cheekbones and swiping away your tears, and simply taking you in. Your scent, your warmth, the wetness of your sadness. The way you trembled beneath my hands and chocked on a yelp against my throat.

“I love you, Teito Klein.” I declared kissing your other cheekbone, trailing a kiss up to your nose, to your forehead. “I was only… blindsided by the lack of an _incentive_.” _An incentive as the way my heart got tight seeing you cry, your sadness, and the way it beat faster as it heard your confession._

“Should I cry more?” You chuckled, wet and hoarse, but at least _happy_ again, and I kissed you in the lips, drinking the sound into my own mouth. I poured into you all my love, poured in the press of our lips, the pressure of my hands all my necessity to have you close, and you kissed back with the same desperation, and it _elevated me_.

“You should allow me to kiss you. More.” I corrected breathing out on your cheek, fingers trailing into your hair, nosing my way down your throat. Feeling you safe and sweet under me.

“I love you, Hakuren,” you said with a smile, which I drank just as easily. At that moment, kissing you senseless, I couldn’t help but think that it might have been your cry that started all of this, but that it would be your _smile_ to keep us going.


	10. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilyusha (Labrador) about his lovely friend from back when he was human. The lovely friend who was half-dead already, so, I guess there's some death-character mention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Totally unrelated, but... I just love how Frau is the only one whose name does _not_ translate to some animal name in Portuguese. Really. Labrador is a race of dog, and Castor is beaver in Portuguese, and I just. I kinda thought that was a translation, when I started reading the mangá, but then I realized, "ah, no, in the anime they said the same thing", and I was laughing.)

**Tenth: _“Flowers…_**

_… that blossom for you.” — Ilyusha_

I just wanted to see your smile once again, that lovely, calming smile that always made me think of _home_.

In the beginning, you were simply the little girl from the neighborhood that liked flowers, but, with time, we bonded. At each exchanged flower, a new smile would blossom; at each smile, our bond would strengthen up.

You became my little sister, the one who smiled so innocently even at death’s door. We were both fated to death, taken by our disease, but you wouldn’t give up. You smiled and lived to the best of your capacities.

And to see you happy in such a short life, I took care of our flowers. Those same, beautiful flowers that made you smile. The same flowers that you so loved. Because that was the only thing I could do for you, and because, caring for them, I could say they blossomed _for you_.


	11. Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krom & Tiashe (Teito), told by Krom. (Krom being Teito's father)  
> Warnings: Some angst, some almost death (?).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, again. I realized I should have posted this yesterday... today. So. Yeah.

**Eleventh: _Suffering_**

_Unfortunately, he would always suffer in pain. — Weldeschtein Krom Raggs_

My son. My child. My dearest, only child, and the one who would suffer beyond any help of mine. His suffering that would be beyond even my imagination… but that I would suffer as well. I would suffer for seeing him suffer, for I wanted to see him happy, just like any father ever wants.

At the moment I turned my gaze away, he was lost. He was fated to carry the misgivings of others; he, such a small, innocent life, would be forever fated to be the feared Box, forever fated to pain, forever fated to suffer for the mistakes I made. I should have protected him, should have stopped him, but unfortunately there was no turning back. He had already inherited that destiny.

And now, here, staring at me, he was dying, and it was all my fault. I let him suffer… I let them change him into the one thing everyone always feared, the one thing that would be pursued without break by people who would want to kill him for it.

And if I let this mistake kill him, I would never be able to call myself his father. Forgive me, my son, my dearest Tiashe, but I will have to give you the Eye, even though it will simply make your destiny heavier. Forgive me, because I know I will be hurting you even more, will be promising you an even worse destiny…

But I simply cannot sit back and watch you die, as a father, so I will give you every pain in the world, as long as you _live_ to suffer it.


	12. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayanami/Teito, told by Teito.  
> Soo... a couple warnings that are relevant to this chapter, and, please, read them: slash, spoilers, incest, character death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, not day of posting, but. Christmas. I'm in high spirits. (A new game of mine will be arriving tomorrow, and I'm just utterly excited). So. Merry Christmas and other celebrations or even just a good end of year!
> 
> (Also. I'm a sucker for Ayanami/Teito.)

**Twelfth: _Blood_**

_… of mine” — Teito Klein._

I should be embarrassed of myself, but I am so far gone I can feel nothing wrong with me. I loved him, and while that was wrong in _so many levels_ , I couldn’t stop loving him.

He was a murderer. He killed _Mikage_. He killed _my father_! He killed his own brother! And even then, I was unable to feel anything wrong about it. He was a man like me, with blood in his hands and sin on his soul. And, after all that, I believed, unforgivingly, that I had sinned more than he had.

Every time I closed my eyes, unaware of my own thoughts, he would be there. Cold, piercing eyes, the scent of death close by, his hoarse and deadly voice. And the embodiment of my passion.

I loved him and I craved him. Little did it matter what he was, little did it matter if he had my blood. He could be a Shinigami, could be my family, we could be relatives, and I would care _less_ if he was my uncle or whatever. I. Loved. Him.

And I just wanted to be able to call out his name without fear, without being judged. I just wanted to confess to him what I felt, before this feelings burned me from the inside.

Because, like a venom, the words corroded me from the inside. In the darkness of my mind, the words whispered to themselves, a shadow of a smirk on their mind — _I loved you, Ayanami_.

Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. Blood of mine, are we both sinners?


	13. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castor/Labrador, told by Castor.  
> Slight, implied slash. Some insomnia, and some crude mentions of death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, here am I, one day late. Gods, do I have a problem with posting on date?

**Thirteenth: _Sleep_**

_It must be nice, being able to sleep. — Castor_

I would see you in the middle of the tree roots, deep asleep, and I’d smile. It was good to know someone around here could get some rest. And you, you were so sweet, so beautiful, just like a child…

And then, when you’d woke up, a cute face of someone who had no idea of what was going on, leaves stuck on your hair, and a bright smile burning in your face… “My heart beat faster”, almost, or it would, if my heart worked still.

I wanted to hug you, embrace you, sway you to the eternity, until our bodies became warm. I wanted to love you, keep you beside me forever.

When I went to try to sleep, something would always bother me. It would be either my past, haunting me so many years after it was gone, or you, smiling and being so out of reach. I needed to hold you or I would soon catch you, lock to my side, and throw away the key.

I loved you more than anything else in the whole world, Lab, and it was becoming a problem. The only thing I could think of was that you needed to sleep. Sleep while you still had a chance, and leave me with the hope that, maybe, if I managed to sleep…

Maybe I could have you in my dreams.


	14. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frau & Teito, told by Frau.

**Fourteenth: _Protection_**

_I will protect you even if it costs me my life. — Frau_

Seeing you made me smile. You, who were fated to so much pain, who _knew it_ , and still managed to be so pure. Pure like a warm fire in the night, soul just as bright, and so kind that it managed to soothe even my own darkness.

My body was long dead; my body was cold, my heart was silent, and even then I could feel. I don’t know if I’m Zehel only, or if I am still part of the conscience of the first owner of this body. I don’t know if I am Frau, Zehel, or whoever it may be, and I don’t even know if I am simply the desire of the Scythe prompting me on. It’s confusing, and I never quite got it, but it doesn’t matter, because, whoever I am, I _loved_ you, Teito Klein.

I would protect you with my life, I would sacrifice myself for you, because you’re the only one who makes me live again. You’re the one who, when we were simply children, liberated me from the Scythe’s control, and you’re the one who, when we finally met again, made me feel. And, finally, you’re the one who, while traveling by my side, taught me how to love.

So, Teito… this life of mine, given by you, should meet its true meaning being used _protecting_ you.


	15. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouka & Teito.  
> Might be interpreted as romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urgh. I'm having problems with my Word program. Can't open it. So, I apologize if the story is incomplete; I actually sent myself the document via e-mail, just to try and copy it so I could post it today...

**Fifteenth: _Wings_**

_We both had wings, but only you knew how to be free. — Roseamanelle Ouka Barsburg_

We were both owners of the Eyes, we were both masters of the archangels, and both of us had wings. Both of us could fly.

That should be an imagery of freedom, but I felt imprisoned. I was only following orders from how far back in time I could remember, only being controlled by the military. I was used while I was still a child. I was a war tool, I served only to destroy, and I was not a person. I wasn’t free or loved.

You, Teito, was loved. You carried Mikhail in you, yet you were still loved. Your family, your friends, your companions. Everyone seemed to love you. I… I envied you. I admired you. I wanted to be like you.

Then, when I less expected, there you were, smiling, offering me a hand. My face burned and my heart beat faster, and I felt as if my mind was empty and all that mattered was you.

I think that, while you were the only thing commanding my mind, my feelings grew. I wasn’t envy anymore. I did not simply admire you. I loved you, Teito.

I wanted to be free, and searching for that, I found you. I found love.

Because of that, I will forever be grateful, Teito — for the freedom you offered me. For your warmth. For our heart… for myself.


	16. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayanami/Teito, told by Ayanami.  
> Slash, T-M rated... ah, incest, dark romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I was supposed to post this yesterday, but rl interfered, and shit happened. Sorry.

**Sixteenth:** **_Desire_ **

_ I desired to have you, even for a moment. — Ayanami _

Since I first saw you, when you were simply a child, I knew there was something more about you. I was never sure about what it was, but I knew there  _ was _ something.

Your eyes, so pure and innocent, told me more than your lips, than your clean, pale skin, than the crying soul in your chest.

You grew at the academy, treated as a slave, and when I saw you again, the feeling of  _ something _ was bigger. Your green eyes were dark with reality, but they were not the eyes of a killer, despite the blood in your hands. They were willful, hopeful eyes, even while your head hang down and you followed orders. You were an intrigue. You were a puzzle.

I wanted you.

When I finally discovered of your bloodline, my desire grew to infinite levels. I wanted to be the one to take away all your innocence, the one to mark your skin, the one to break your soul. I wanted to taste you, even if the only chance came in death.

I wanted, I desired, I craved… I wanted to blemish everything that came from that cursed bloodline, to finish my project, to own something that was denied to me…

And, a whined moan reminded me, I  _ had _ .

I smiled, the smile that was closer to a smirk, the one who made you tremble and hoarse out my name. I smiled and devoured your lips, pressing you close, putting a new mark on a skin long blemished. You were mine. The pure soul, the willful eyes, the sweet lips, the smooth skin, the body that knew all my sins —  _ mine _ .

I touched you and I took you, and you moaned, screamed and called out my name.

And inside, I grinned — as long as I desired, you would still be  _ mine _ .


	17. Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiashe & Millea Klein (aka Teito & his Mom), told by "Tiashe" (young Teito).  
> Some slight angst. Also, some young kid talk.

**Seventeenth:** **_Sky_ **

_ The sky, certainly, will be blue again tomorrow. — Tiashe Raggs _

Are you alone at the hospital? Do you regret loving dad, Mom? I’m happy you met… He is happy, too, when he talks of you.

But I don’t think he likes seeing you sleeping. Say, Mom, were you happy? I wanted to see your smile.

Dad said you liked the blue sky, Mom. Do you?

I will come back tomorrow, Mom, and I will smile to you. I will be here. You are not alone, okay? I will be here, and I will hold your hand, and I will wait for you to wake up — because I don’t even know what are the colors of your eyes. Are they green, just like me?

I will be here, in your room, smiling at you and watching the blue sky you love. I will wait with dad to see you smile — and maybe, Mom, when you open your eyes  _ he _ can smile too.

You know, Mom, sometimes I tell you stories. Can you hear me, Mom? I come see you every day, because it feels right, because I don’t want you to wake up alone…

… Oh, time to go. Dad is calling goodbye.

Bye, Mom. I love you.

And, don’t worry.

I’m sure the sky will be blue again tomorrow.


	18. Blue paint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millea/Krom, told by Millea (Teito's parents).  
> Romance.

**Eighteenth: “** **_The blue paint…_ **

_ … that connected us.” — Millea Klein _

That day, when my hat was taken by the wind, I thought it would be just another normal day. A good, beautiful day, with that bright, blue sky over my head and the strong wind shaking my hair — but a normal day, nonetheless.

But I was mistaken. It was not a normal day, it was a much fortunate day. Because, when I went to get my hat back, I found that someone already had it in hands. Kind hands, accompanied by a broad smile and warm eyes. When you gave me my hat, our hands touched for but a second, and I felt a slight shock run through my nerves.

I must have blushed, because you chuckled and asked me if I was okay. I murmured a “yes” back, I believe, but was too distracted by your eyes to notice.

When I took my hat, I noticed a small brush of blue on it. You apologized, but I denied, delighted with the shade of color. It was as blue as the sky. A little piece of sky, all of my own. I smiled then, thanking you from my heart. My hat, then, became a reminder of the things I would love the most: the bright sky overhead, and your shining smile — but  _ that _ I would only discover later.

You went away — or was it me? —, but we agreed to meet again. Each moment we spent together was a happy moment, to me.

After a couple of months, smiling by your side, watching you paint, I confessed my feelings for you. You confessed back, a shy smile on your face, and eyes warmer than ever. And we loved each other for the whole time we had together. We loved and enjoyed ourselves. We lived and cared.

And, since then, blue wasn’t just the color of my beloved sky. It was also the color of your smile, of our love. It all began with an accident, a brush of wind and a smudge of blue on a hat, but I was so very grateful to that accident, to that smudge of paint, because they were a memory of happiness. They were my eternal happiness, because that same paint and that same wind were the reason I found  _ you _ .


	19. Beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krom & Krowell, told by Krom.  
> (Reminder: Krom is Tei's dad, Krowell is Krom's brother. Also, Krowell is Ayanami's human name.)  
> (Canonical) Character death.

**Nineteenth:** **_Beloved_ **

_ My little, beloved brother. — Weldeschtein Krom Raggs _

I had waited for you since I knew you were coming. I loved Kreuz, of course, but I had waited for  _ your _ birth for so long. I waited to have you by my side, the brother I would be able to hug and spoil. Kreuz and I both had waited, longed for you for so long.

Our parents asked us for a name, and I chose it. You would be my beloved and so awaited Krowell.

When you were born, I decided to protect you from all the sadness and pain of the world. You would be my prince, the happiest you ever could be.

I loved you, Krowell. I loved you so much; I loved you more than I ever loved Kreuz. You would be the most beloved in our family, all of us wanted to see you happy. But now, I realize I can’t even remember your smile…

Here, as I am, kneeling under the rain with tears running down my face, I ask myself where I went wrong, because  _ you weren’t happy _ . I couldn’t see your smile, I couldn’t even see your face…

_ Because you were dead, already _ .


	20. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito/Hakuren, told by Teito.  
> Slash, romantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot about it. Again. So, double update this time. Sorry 'bout that.

**Twentieth:** **_Smile_ **

_ Smile and hope for the best. — Teito Klein _

Your smile always made me stop. That small curve of your lips where I could see just the barest hint of teeth, and the way your eyes brightened up, the way they narrowed at the corners… I always stopped thinking anything  _ reasonable _ , and could only focus on  _ you _ .

I loved everything about you. Those clear lilac eyes that stared deep into my soul. The long hair pulled up your shoulder. The hint of a smile on your face. The deep timbre of your voice, the calmness of your words…

My fingers burned, itched with the wish to touch you. Run my fingertips down your face, caress your cheek, hold your silky tresses. I wanted to bury my face into your chest, hear your heartbeat, take in your scent. I wanted to mark, deep down into my being, your existence.

I wanted to hear your voice, that kind and smooth tone, see your smile and feel your laughter. I loved everything about you, Haku. The way all your body would shake with your mirth, the way your eyes lightened up or darkened with each of your feelings, your hypnotizing voice, your warm touch. Every little detail of your face, every little blemish of yours. I loved your stubbornness, your temper, and even your arrogance. I loved how you were so secure of yourself, and how you always wished to learn more. I loved your best and worst points, because they made you,  _ you _ . Because everything made me live more intensely.

Somewhere along the way, you became the reason why I struggled on. The hope of seeing you again, of knowing you were alive, of living by your side and being able to grow old and die with you — I had such a hope that it gave me enough strength to keep going in my trials. I wanted to be happy and to make you happy. I wanted to tell you I loved you, and I wanted to hear your answer.

I wasn’t sure you loved me back, but I learned, somewhere along the way, that it was easier to simply  _ hope for the best _ .


	21. Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikhail & Teito.  
> Mentions of death/assassination. Mentions of past abuse (?); of power, certainly.  
> (Also, I use Mikhail for the Eye that Teito has. So. Yeah. Don't know how you know it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second part of the posting.

**Twenty-first:** **_Master_ **

_ My beloved, one and only master. — Mikhail _

I’ve had several vessels, many owners, millions of humans, but none of them was ever so lovely. All of them always desired me for my power, wished to use me for their own gain.

But not Teito. No, not him. He used me to protect his friends, and always avoided the power of destruction. I helped him, I took him in, and I protected him — and while I offered him power whenever he needed, he never took it for granted. That, right there, was the reason why I took away all his painful memories and kept his body and soul intact, even if it was never asked of me.

My beloved master, who suffered since he was a child, and the youngest to ever take me in. My master, who killed, watched death all around him, and even after all that still managed to keep his soul pure.

My master, who avoided any dark feelings and who accepted me as part of himself. The one who offered me a smile and  _ thanked me _ .

For him, for the master I loved most of all, I served without a complaint. I protect him and his friends without thinking twice, because, in the end, he was my one true master. The only one I would  _ ever _ call Master. Because, when all was said and done, Teito Klein, Tiashe Raggs, or whatever name he took, was the only one I had ever learnt how to love, and the only one I  _ chose _ to serve.


	22. Greediness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dalia-centric (Some Dalia/Wolfram, perhaps some wishful Dalia/prince-of-Raggs, and some reminiscent Dalia & Millea).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don't normally do A/N's in this story, but. Well, this chapter was written very recently... as in, yesterday... for Crystal007 (I don't think this was exactly what you asked for, sorry), so it's way more recent than any other chapter, which were written back in 2013, tops, and I've been only translating (rewriting, sometimes, yes, but not changing much). If there's any inconsistence in the writing, that's the reason.
> 
> Also, uh, informations on Dalia Barsburg were taken from the wikia. Some things are kind-of made up by me.

**Twenty-second: _Greediness_**

_I always thought I wanted more. I discovered more is relative. — Dalia Barsburg_

There was pride in being the _Chosen One_. The Winner. The one who would receive the throne, the one who would be _above all_ , the one who would have all the power, all the _freedom_ , all the _choices_ …

All the veiled distrust, the implied threats, and the written future.

When one becomes Queen, you think you’ll have everything. In the end, it is not exactly that.

Despite the words spoken of being able to choose your own fiancé, there was a heavy imposition on which men I could choose. Despite the many smiling faces, there were many who never approached me, many who downright _avoided_ me — too scared of the faces in the dark, of the powers that truly ruled, of the threats that had been whispered in advance.

From a handful, I chose Wolfram — Wolfram, who I at least knew. Wolfram, who would at least be a familiar face, if not too kind.

Wolfram, who had once shown me the world as he imagined, the world as he wanted it to be.

Wolfram who could never love me, but could at least give me an heir.

I became a Queen and expected to be free. I chose a King, and expected not to be unhappy.

I looked to the seas, to the faraway lands, and wished to be a commoner, to be the daughter of a concubine, living in the shadows, free to roam away from these walls that surrounded me.

I looked to Raggs, and remembered the small girl who once smiled at me — Millea, so free, childish, impish, claiming she’d travel far away, that she’d be _more_ than just the daughter of a nobleman and a concubine, and laughing when I claimed she was stupid —, and remembered the days when I desired more. I looked to Raggs and saw a royal family that was smart and ruthless, but also kind. I looked to Raggs, and saw a King who loved his people, and a Prince who always had a smile on his face.

I looked to Raggs, and thought I had chosen the wrong option, after all.

But it did not matter. It was not meant to be. I was Queen of Barsburg. I was the Empress. I was Dalia, born of a lesser nobleman, winner of the competition for the throne, and the one who chose the new King. I was _more_ , just as I had always wanted when I was only a child.

Perhaps I was not happy — but I had power, I had a family growing, and I had the Eye, burning in my mind.

It would never equal to freedom and love — but it would have to make do.

And, perhaps, one day, I would even have _more_. Perhaps… 


	23. The light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ea & Landkarte, told by Ea.  
> Mentions of character death and what may be perceived as depression.

**Twenty-third:** **_“The light_ **

_ … you cannot see.” — Ea _

You were always repeating the same words, with the same pain in your face. And I suffered as well, knowing you couldn’t see the most obvious.

You were so kind, and that hurt you more than anyone else. Your kindness would be something you would call useless, at least during that time. You would always try to carry on every suffering, every sin, on your shoulders. You would take away the weight of others and take it upon yourself, without noticing you were dragging yourself down in the process.

I just wished you would notice, my dear brother, that you are not alone. That you do not need to suffer on your own, and that, should you ever have the need, I will be here. I will be here the whole time, waiting for my chance to help you. You need only ask. Please, I just ask you to  _ notice _ …

Notice that your light is so much bigger than you give yourself credit for. Notice that it’s not the emptiness of those places that give you peace, the emptiness you call “silence”; notice that, what really soothes you, what calms you down, is the light present in both those places and yourself.

It’s such a gentle light, a light that calls out to lonely souls. Notice, please, Landkarte, that you are not darkness; notice that you are light, a light so pure you simply cannot see for yourself.


	24. Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Konatsu & Hyuuga, told by Konatsu.

**Twenty-fourth:** **_Sword_ **

_ From your sword came my admiration. — Konatsu Warren _

I longed to prove myself capable, to show my family they were  _ wrong _ — why, pray tell, were they judging me if we were all blood?

I decided I needed to get into Ayanami-sama’s squad; that way, no one would doubt me. It wasn’t that simple, however — I needed strength. And then… I met you. I didn’t know who you were, of course, but your ability with a sword astonished me.

I wished to use it, that sword with which you wrote carnage; the sword bathed in blood that had taken so many lives. And then you offered me a chance — if I only hit you once, the sword would be in my hands.

Looking up to your word — to you — I took that chance. I fought you; fought and lost, humiliated. I was humiliated in the worst possible way; the only thing in which I was good… the only thing that was worthy within me… you crumbled into  _ nothing _ .

I couldn’t admit my weakness. That would be the same as to admit that all those people who spoke ill of me, all those people who battered me to the ground — it would be admit that they were all  _ right _ . It would be the same as to say I brought shame to my family. So, I didn’t give up…

And yet, I lost. I lost the battle, I lost consciousness, I lost to you, I lost to them. I lost to myself. And, even so, when I woke up, you congratulated me. I woke up and you  _ gave me a sword _ . You smiled, that fake, teasing smile, and I was never happier than I was at that moment.

Thanks to you, my dream came true. I managed to enter Ayanami-sama’s squad, the Black Hawks. Because of you — because of the chance you offered me — I managed to prove (not to them, but to  _ me _ ) that I was worthy. That I wasn’t weak. That I  _ deserved to be alive _ .

So, I say, Hyuuga-taichou…  _ Thank you for saving me from myself. _


	25. I'll live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiashe-centric.  
> Told by very young Teito, so maybe some strange, "childish" English.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names mentioned are those of the guards? Priests? Who hanged out with Teito and sacrificed themselves for him, during the war of Raggs.  
> Also, this passes during the time where Teito was running from war, and it wasn't too clear if he knew he was a prince or even if he understood what that was. (I mean, he was, what, 5?)

**Twenty-fifth:** **_I’ll live_ **

_ For every one of you — Tiashe Raggs _

I don’t wanna! Don’t go! Please! Don’t die! You’re my family…

I don’t wanna lose you. I wanna go up high again, into Maa-kun’s arms. I wanna play with you again. Wanna be hugged by all of you, wanna laugh with you, I wanna… I want to…

But you’re all going to  _ die _ . Why? Why are you dying? Why giving your lives away? I don’t wanna live when you all die…

And, and, Aa-kun! Why… why did you give me your scarf? It’s yours, you like it! I can’t have it! I want you to take it and smile. Take me. Tell me everything’s gonna be alright…

Ran-kun? What are you doing?... No! Come back! Don’t leave me here! W-Why are you making that face? You’re coming with us!

No… No… I don’t wanna lose anyone… I’ll fight with you. I’ll live and die with you!

Eh?... L-Live  _ for _ you? I’m a prince?... That doesn’t matter! You’re family!

… I get it… I… Thanks…

I’ll live for you, so… Smile, okay?  _ My _ family.


	26. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroyuri/Haruse, told by Kuroyuri.  
> Slash, canonical (temporary) character death.

**Twenty-sixth:** **_Pain_ **

_ The pain of losing you made me realize how much I love you. — Kuroyuri _

Hate. I hated that damned bishop; I couldn’t forgive him for killing you. No… I would  _ never _ forgive him… Because of him, the most important person in my life simply…  _ died _ . Gone from my life, never to come back.

I would never forgive him. Never forgive him for taking you from me. That useless  _ gardener! _ He took the only person that would always be by my side, careless of what I did. The only one who dedicated solely to me!  _ My _ Begleiter; my one and lovely Begleiter.

Pain. The pain took me in such a profound way that it seemed to torn my heart into pieces, corrupt my soul from the inside. I took all of that pain, all of my sadness, and transformed them into hate. Hate, so I could move on, so I could live even without you — I did not wish to, but Ayanami-sama said it would be best if I kept living, so I did.

But without you here, living was painful. Because you wouldn’t be here to smile at me. I wanted to see your smile, wished to feel your touch. Your warmth and your scent. I longed to embrace you and give you my smile. Longed to tell you the truth.

Because only when it was too late — when the pain was such I could barely breathe, and your eyes did not stare at me any longer — did I notice why I cared so much. Because only when you were so far out of reach I could no longer find you that I realized I  _ loved you _ . I loved you, Haruse.

And it hurt so damned  _ much _ .


	27. Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Capella & Teito, told by Capella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, should be tomorrow. Why not post it today?

**Twenty-seventh:** **_Brother_ **

_ My dear brother I never had. — Capella _

I’ve cried alone, thinking of you, Mom, my only family. I wanted to see you, Mom, and tell you I found a brother.

Yes, because Teito was the brother I always asked of you. Teito’s so kind to me, Mom! I always feel happy with him. He seems to be hurt, but he’s always smiling. I wanna help him. I wanna make him really happy. What can I do…?

I hugged him, trying to tell him everything I feel. He seems to cry, but there is no tear on his face. I want to make him happy, but he seems sadder…

So I hug him and smile, because he makes me happy, and because I want him to be happy too. Teito is a great brother, Mom. He always helps me, whatever it is; and, you know, he taught me to use zaiphon — so I can be as strong as him, and so I can protect you, Mom!

And it was Teito who gave me back to you, Mom. He protected me, smiled and made me happy. He gave me gifts, Mom! He gave me gifts with the money he won! I like Teito, Mom.

Ah, but he’s so small… I wanna be like Teito, but I wanna be tall… Tall like Frau! Then I can hug Teito and tell him I like him, I like to have him with me, that he’s my dear brother; and then, I can protect you, Mom!

If I am tall, I can protect  _ both _ of you. Then I’ll make you happy, right? I wanna see your smiles… Because you’re my Mommy, and Teito is my brother!

So, I wanna see Teito again, Mom. I’ll be strong, I’ll protect you, and I’ll tell him, when I see him again… I’ll tell him…

_ “Thank you for being the brother I always wanted.” _


	28. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayanami & Hyuuga, told by Ayanami.  
> Perhaps slightly slash-y.

**Twenty-eight:** **_Secret_ **

_ I’ll keep in secret how important you are. — Ayanami _

You pissed me off — you were such a bother, you always were insufferable. Yet, for some unknown reason, you were still  _ alive _ by my side. I don’t know why I never killed you — you certainly gave me enough reasons to, believe me.

Your annoying, stupid habit of calling me  _ Aya-tan _ ticked me, more than humanly possible. More than necessary, more than it is  _ healthy _ . And your  _ laziness _ ! You never worked as you should, always laughing, joking and having fun.

Still, despite being a lazy bastard, you remained loyal at my side. You supported me, sided with me since I came to the army. My  _ begleiter _ , always ready to pull out your weapons for me — always ready to kill those who stood against me.

You never hesitated, despite all your uselessness. You were never  _ weak _ , and you always showed extreme loyalty. You dedicated yourself to that which you want to protect, and you fight with nails and teeth, ready to kill anyone, ready to kill  _ yourself _ for the behalf of your objective. In the behalf of that  _ person _ .

And, in the end, I ended up growing — fond. You were like a flea, unmoving and annoying, but you were family.  _ My _ family. Your loyalty was enough; you would be there for me, and wasn’t that what family was supposed to be?

So I would trust you, I would be there for you, just like you were always here for me. Even if it was unnecessary, even if you told me you were doing it out of respect, I would still protect you. Your soul is mine, you pain is mine, and your protection is my duty.

So, I kept it a secret, but I knew why I never killed you. I kept it a secret, but the answer was written all over the place.

I would never kill you, Hyuuga, for a very simple, very straight-forward fact: you were family, you were mine, and I always,  _ always _ protect that which I own.


	29. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayanami/Hyuuga, told by Ayanami.  
> Slight slash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was doing so well with this. Oh, well. Here it goes.

**Twenty-ninth:** **_You_ **

_ You’re my single source of desire. — Ayanami _

I rested my hand over glass, eyes locked into the person inside. Hair as dark as night, closed eyes, and such a pallid, deathly white skin.

You weren’t smiling. You weren’t even  _ living _ , to my knowledge. But, you were here. Incomplete, broken,  _ missing _ — but, if I was correct, alive, at the end of the day.

That was what mattered.

You, who died for me, devoured by the darkness inside of Landkarte. You who protected me, even when I’m the one who does not die. You, who pushed me away, fear in your eyes; fear for  _ me _ , because the attack had flown straight for my heart.

You, who was as loyal as you were stupid.

You, who never needed anything to charm me to your side.

Your smile, your insolence, your eternal loyalty. You, you were the only one I would never, ever forgive myself for letting die.

There was a war brewing outside, a hunt in the making, and I were unmoving, staring, waiting.

_ You, who were as stubborn as a wall. _

Yells, pleas — and a fluttering eyelid. A cough of breath, lips moving unsoundly, fingers twitching in the midst of all that liquid.

A small smile pulled at my lips, a small sigh choked down.

You’re alive.

Your eyes are open, now, staring at me. Even broken, half-dead, and more drugs than blood, you smile at me, with lips that call without a sound. It is easy to identify the word. A single, simple, easy word. A name.

_ “Aya-tan.” _

I turned on my heels. There is a war brewing, I have a box to hunt.

_ You are the only one I want. You are the only one I shall never lose. _

At the silence around, I smiled.

You were back to me.


	30. The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito & Frau, told by Teito.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, again. Kind-of forgot?

**Thirtieth: _The Door_**

_The door stood still. — Teito Klein_

A door. A closed, silent, immutable door. A reminder of things I could never forget. A taunt. A dare.

A call — a call to close my eyes and just step forward.

There you were, as always. Smirking, calm — _happy_.

Until you saw me.

Your reaction was so quick, so immediate it was funny; the words were spilling from your lips in a second, taunting me, admonishing me, cursing to the skies and above. You wanted to know what I was doing here. You _demanded_ to know what I _dared_ to do _now_ , with my “stupid, idiotic self”.

It was funny. It was strange. It was… cute.

It was cute, to see such a tiny, young, brash Frau, yelling and being a _child_ , for once. It was cute to see your face contorting with your emotions, your eyes shining with honesty, your manners, so familiar yet different…

I smiled, and I observed, but I remained silent and still. I remained standing there, waiting for the right time. I had sought for you, I had fought for you, I had searched for you, and I _wanted you back_. I wanted to hug you, and tell you everything I ever hid from you.

I wanted to hide my face into my own, familiar, annoyingly tall Frau — the one who is mouthy, bad mannered, but also incredibly sweet. The one who makes my heart warm with affection, and that makes me think that I will burst, sometimes.

I wanted to be by your side, feeling you, being with you — but, this time, I needed to save you first, because you, him, _my Frau_ , had sacrificed himself for _me_. And I can’t simply let him rotting in a memory, can’t let him forget himself on you, however cute and amusing you may be.

So I fought. I screamed, and grabbed, and followed you. I was harsh, and annoying, and stupid, and I pissed you off so much that you kicked me out the door, but it _didn’t matter_. Even while my heart screamed with hurt, and I could only think of my Frau’s face, I kept going, because I was decided. I would help you — I would help him —, no matter _what_. No matter _who_. And not even _you_ would stop me.

I would save _my_ Frau so I could smile at him, and then I would tell him, quietly and secretly, how I felt about him. And maybe, if I were lucky…

But, for that, I needed him back. You were such a cute child, such a cute past of my Frau, but you weren’t _my Frau_ , and that simply wouldn’t do.

So I raised my head, locked my jaw and moved forward. Towards the taunt. The dare. Towards the _stupid, stupid_ door, standing still, waiting for me. As — a _promise_.

A door. Something that could close — and something that could be opened. Because _you were also waiting for me_.

And, this time, I wouldn’t let you down. I _would_ save you, as long as you kept giving me a chance.


	31. Grievance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito-centric.  
> Canonical character deaths.

**Thirty-first: _Grievance_**

_I had so much to grieve about, but so much to keep me going — Teito Klein_

Looking at my past, it was filled with deaths. Everyone I ever cared about — they all died. Everyone who came too close to me; dead. Everyone whom I loved… long gone.

My father. Far-san. Mar-kun. A-kun. Ka-kun. Mikage.

Dead. Gone. All beyond my reach. All whom I failed at protecting.

All dead because of me.

I loved them all, because they were family; I lost them all, because they were _mine_. I lost them all, because I cared for them.

The war… All of those who died… I couldn’t really feel guilty about the _war_ , but I could never really forgive myself for the deaths of my family. I couldn’t let them go, couldn’t stop grieving them, because I knew, deep down, they were dead because of me, because of The Box and The Eye, and that I could have protected them all if only I were _stronger_ …

At the same time, however, despite the pain, I could also breathe easier because of them. Because of my memories, the memories of their smiles, of their voices, of their love. I killed them all… and I lived for all of them. Because I had to make them proud. Had to make them happy. Had to make a good world where they would be happy to live in.

It was painful, thinking of them; so painful, even after all this time — painful, because they hadn’t died as they were fated to, because they had been sacrificed much too early, because they were family and I would always, always wish them _better_. It _hurt_ , it hurt so much, because I clearly wanted them to be _alive_.

But — they _weren’t_. They _weren’t_ and I _was_ , I was alive _because of them_. I was alive because they had died _for me_ , died to keep me living, died to give me a chance. They gave me _my life_ , and if I gave up, if I were to die here without putting up a fight, I would be throwing their lives away _for nothing_ and for that, for _that_ I would never forgive myself.

I could still be grieving deaths long gone, it’s true. However, there was nothing wrong with that, as long as I _lived on_. And so, I would _live my life_ , but I would not live my life uselessly; I would live my life for those who had died for me, as well. I would live my life for those whom I had loved and lost, for those that had lost their lives but not their wills.

I lived on, because giving up was never an option, no matter _what_.

I lived on, because, despite my grievances, I had _way too many_ reasons to live and I would _not_ die now.


	32. Rememberances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakuren/Teito, told by Hakuren.  
> Slash. Deals with Teito's time without any memory (under Ayanami's control).

**Thirty-second: _Remembrances_**

_For forgetting is worse than anything imaginable — Hakuren Oak_

It was… strange, seeing you in the army. Funny, in an odd way. Painful, as well. It was… well, it was _you_. It was _you_ , and there was no chance I wouldn’t recognize you at a glance — it was as natural as recognizing my own reflex in the mirror. It was… it was something so, so unearthly _real_. It was you, making my heart beat fast, my face hurt with a smile, my throat dry up.

And my heart break up, because. Because you didn’t _remember_. You didn’t know who I was. Couldn’t remember all of our particular, unique memories. All of the things we shared, all the things we hid, all the things we chose to have with each other. All the small, lingering touches. All the fleeting, shy smiles. All the warm, caressing embraces. All the kisses — the _kisses_ , earth-shattering and oh-so-normal. You couldn’t remember our small promises, our shared whispers, our lovely nothings. You couldn’t remember the warmth of my hand in yours, and you couldn’t remember the feeling of _us_.

You had forgotten it _all_.

And you couldn’t even realize how much it hurt me, because you didn’t even _know me_ , to know when I was hurting.

I couldn’t say what was more painful, only that it _hurt_. I could only say that my whole soul burned, my heart shattered, my mind hollow. I _hurt_ ; I hurt because I missed you, even when you stood before me. I missed you, because everything, _everything_ I loved, was gone.

I hurt because it was all gone as if it had never even existed in the first place. Because you looked at me as if I was… As if I was a complete stranger, just some annoyance in your way.

Because I couldn’t have you anymore, not as I once had had you — not when my soul had already been given to you, once, complete, whole, _thriving_ , and it now laid on the ground in ashes.

It hurt, but I couldn’t… I just _couldn’t_ give up. I — I _had_ to make you remember me. There _must_ be a way, I told myself. If I gave up, I would be betraying my own feelings. Not only that, I would be betraying _your_ feelings.

So, Teito, please, _don’t give up either_.

Don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on yourself. And, more than anything, please, _don’t give up on us_.


	33. For eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frau & Teito, told by Frau.  
> Slash. Perhaps T rated.

**Thirty-third: _For eternity_**

_I would be by your side, for an eternity and more — Frau_

Yours was the purest soul I had even dreamt of finding, the purest soul I had ever dreamt of _existing_. Yours was the purest soul in the whole goddamned _world_.

And it wasn’t just that.

While your purity called to me, called to the beast inside, fostering my hunger, it wasn’t _just_ that. In the beginning, perhaps. It hadn’t been unheard of for me to dream of your soul, broken under my jaws, under my scythe, under my _(soul)_ being. It wasn’t strange for me to hunger, blood lust awakening my (no, not mine, _not mine_ ) Scythe, purity flinching away from me, purity hurting me, purity _calling me_.

It wasn’t strange nowadays, either. It just wasn’t _all_ there was, anymore.

Nowadays, sometimes I would dream of different things. Of the flush that would take your face whenever you tried to hide something, or of your pout when you tried to deny yourself of something you clearly wanted. Nowadays, I would dream of your skin, white and smooth. I dreamt of your warmth, of the way you moved, of your voice breaking off in embarrassment.

I dreamt of you, under _me_.

I also dreamt of your smile.

That one scared me the most.

_Everything_ about you attracted me, Teito, no questions asked. Your shining eyes, your dark hair, your small hands. The shape of your lips, the small dip on your hips, the small scar on your collarbone. Even the arrogant, stubborn expression on your face, or the lilt at the end of your barking laugh.

I had spent all our time together just _watching_ you, and it seemed like I could spend _years_ more. Watching. Observing. Admiring. For years on end, for an… an eternity, just taking you in. Hearing your life, absorbing your warmth, smelling your scent.

I had spent all of our time focused on _you_ , and it seemed like I could spend an eternity filled with _you_. For you had enchanted me, charmed me, pulled me under a thrall. Purity, sins, and earthly existence alike.

I desired, I craved, I longed. I wanted you, I craved your whole being, I longed to stay with you, even knowing you were walking to your death. And I… somewhere, along the way, I _loved_. I had fallen in love with the absolute _worst_ human, the most annoying, most stupid human in the _world_.

And I wouldn’t change it for _nothing_.

Even if I had to die, to give up my own freedom for you. If it meant you, out of this throne, _alive_ once again, I would exchange places with you. I would fuse with my ( _not mine_ ) Scythe — fuse with _The_ Scythe.

A small sacrifice for your happiness, in my opinion.

And, do not fret. I did it for me. Not for you.


	34. Hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krom/Millea, told by Krom.  
> Het romance.

**Thirty-fourth: _Hat_**

_A small hat for an enduring bond. — Weldeschtein Krom Raggs_

I don’t even remember what I had been doing there, by the river. I can’t, really. Every time I think of that day, of that sun, of that river, I can only see your face. Your face — bright, young, sweet; smiling so charmingly at me.

You were all I wished, all I longed for.

When I caught that hat, fallen by the river, all I could think about was that I had stained it — would you complain about it, perhaps?

And then I caught sight of you, and I was left breathless, thoughtless.

Your eyes were so honest, so expressive, so _beautiful_. Your smile was _everything_ ; it felt like the world, gift-wrapped and left in my hands. And I thought, unconsciously, that I simply wished to see you smile again. That I wished to be the one _making_ you smile.

When I returned the hat to you and our hands brushed together, it was like my whole body had been given life again. It was a spark, burning in my spine. Something new, unexpected. Something no money could buy.

And I liked it. I liked it and I wanted _more_.

I wanted you, even if for a moment merely. I wanted to observe you for the rest of my life, I wanted to make you laugh, to see touch you, to feel this spark, to feel _you_. Feel your warmth and your radiance.

Over us, the sky shone a bright blue.

And I wanted to paint it no longer.

I simply wanted _you_. And, for a mere moment, I wondered if I should paint you, catch you for eternity in a canvas.

And then I shook the thought away — it would never feel the same way.

We talked for a while, that day; we could have exchanged pleasantries about the sky, or we could have discussed war. I don’t remember. I only remember your smile, sweet, kind, warm and ever so bright. I only remember your face, turned towards me, filled with that liveliness that was just so _you_.

And I only remembered your eyes — so green they reminded me of summer grass, of dew caught in the leaves of a spring tree, of _life_ , given and gifted. I only remembered your hair, so fair and shining, flowing down your back. Your warmth, when your hand touched mine. Your voice, clear like a bell, soft like the water.

I only remembered _you_ , gorgeous and beautiful and so utterly _free_.

That day — a day that started with a painting, some spilled blue paint, and a single, small hat — brought us together, and it was _everything_. Because from that day onwards, from that small hat and that quaint little stain, we kept contact. We talked to each other. We _fell in love_ , in true happiness, in true freedom.

It wasn’t more than a whim of fate — yet I felt so _alive_ , so _whole_ , and it was all because of _you_.

Oh, Millea… You made me the happiest man in the _world_.


	35. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fea & Krom, told by Fea.

**Thirty-fifth: _Happiness_**

_I simply wished to see you happy — Fea Kreuz._

You became king much too soon, brother mine, and that broke you apart. I can tell, I stood by your side the whole time: you were never truly happy.

You were too serious. Too dedicated. Too closed off, too cold. Even when you smiled, you never seemed blissful.

Your joy, when you did find it, was ephemeral. Frail. Perishable.

And it was in those moments that I caught myself thinking of how cruel fate was, to having us born as princes.

If only you were not the next in line for the throne — perhaps, then, you would be able to live your life. _Your_ life, not our parents’. Your life, filled with happiness.

Your life, filled with family, filled with _love_.

You were never even able to really care for our littlest brother, so frail and fragile, the one you loved the most. You were never able to just sit with him and be his _brother_ , despite loving him so much that you seemed to dedicate your life to him.

Yet, you could not — because you had your duties. Because Krowell was ill. Because Father needed you.

Because, even before you became king, brother, you were already too serious. You were already studying for it, preparing for it — your destiny had been written from birth, the first of three, the Prince Heir of the throne.

Such a sad fate for someone so full of love.

But, since I was at your side, I could only watch as you wasted away, never happy, never truly peaceful. Always so full of guilt — always ready to take blame of every single mistake. Always ready to lower your head and ask forgiveness, even for our brother’s death.

And then — because Krowell was gone, and because Krowell had been your _light_ , your _life_ —, you dragged yourself down. You dragged your _life_ down, and masked yourself behind duties and the crown, even if it meant forcing a smile and feigning a calm you never felt.

It seemed like I had lost two brothers that day, instead of one. It felt like watching a puppet, instead of a human being. It felt like a marionette, whose strings were being pulled by an unfeeling child.

You married — out of duty, of course. No one liked your wife, yet you braved on, because you _had to_. Not because you wanted. Because you _had to_.

And you ruled. An empty corpse, smiling and talking, yet unfeeling.

A king that was hollow inside.

And a king that had maintained that hollowness for way too long — until you met that young lady, and I swore by my blood to protect you both even if it costed me my life.

Because, for once in your life, you showed _happiness_. For the first time since we were kids, I saw a real smile in your lips, and I saw life in your eyes.

For the first time, I saw my brother — the one I had lost when we lost Krowell, the one I had lost when you took the throne and your responsibilities on your shoulders. The brother I had loved and still loved. The brother that was kind and cheerful, that was more boy than king.

This, right here, was _Krom_ , not the king of Raggs. The man, not the mask. The live one, not the moving corpse.

And if I felt a pang of jealousy — it was because Tiashe was such a beautiful, radiant child, that I felt I wished one for myself.

Nothing more. Nothing less.


	36. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frau & Guido, told by Frau.

**Thirty-sixth: _Gratitude_**

_You were my only God — Frau._

I could never thank you enough: for saving me, for raising me, for standing by my side.

You always protected me, even when I pretended not to see it. You always stood by me, even when I told you not to. You always taught me, loved me and tried to show me what _happiness_ truly was — what it truly meant to have a family.

You always taught and raised me, even though I was not your son, but a complete stranger. You took me in, even when I was just a street urchin, and I never told you how happy that made me.

You were everything I had ever needed, and everything I could ever want. You were a father, a brother, a friend. To me, you were… a God.

I never knew of your past, but I saw no need to. You were simply _you_.

That was all that mattered to me, that was all the reason for me to thank you, even if I never quite managed to express my gratitude.

Not before you died, at least.

And — when you were gone… I wondered, would I _ever_ make it up to you? To everything you ever did to me?

Of course not. No, I’d never be able to show enough gratitude, not when you given me _life_ , when you had made a miracle happen.

Because, honestly, to me? A faithless child? You were my only God, the only one I could ever accept, the only one I could ever have faith in. The only one I could love, no questions asked — no past, no future, simply you.

Because you were friend, father, brother, family and God, Guido, and I promise to give you my life if that is what is needed for me to show you my thanks.


	37. Tenderness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito & Mikhail, told by Teito.

**Thirty-seventh: _Tenderness_**

_The one who showed me tenderness and protection. — Teito Klein_

I never lacked in tenderness, kindness or protection. I always had love by my side, even when I couldn’t quite comprehend its importance. From when I was born to the most difficult of times, I never felt hunger for that which so many desired — I always had a warmth inside of me, I always could remember those smiles that cheered me up, or those hands that comforted me.

Yes, I had to appreciate my family, Mikage and Frau — but, more than all that, I had to appreciate you, who never forgot me, you who never betrayed me, you who never let me down.

You had all the reasons to hate me — once again, locked up in a body too small. Once again, honed into a weapon form. Once again, _made a tool_ , for the greediness of the human race. Yet, even when you were forced into my body with the only purpose of _making me live_ (saving me, it could be said. Saving me from the Box of Pandora, yes, but especially, saving me from my _losses_ ), you never… you never walked away.

(You never turned your back on me. You never decided I was too much, and that this order was a bother, and that…)

And, somehow, through all that, you became more than a weapon, more than a tool, more than the other presence locked inside of me. Somehow, through the times you held me, the times you offered me warmth and comfort, even if it was not part of your duty, you became… a home. A protection. A friend.

You, who were always there, even when I had no memory of that. You, who always withheld your part of the deal, protecting my soul to perfection. You who, when I had to kill for the first time and I was so _scared_ , too scared to move, moved for me — so I would not suffer for it.

You who, when I was forced to fight against Mikage ( _Mikage_. My only… my _best_ friend…), took over and offered me strength. You who protected me when death was near. You who always stood up when I felt unprepared to what was coming, when I felt this was all _too much_ , when I had to do something I simply hated.

You, who never walked away, and who always believed in me.

It began as a deal. Somehow, along the way, you became so much of me that it was painful to imagine life without you, Mikhail — especially when you were more than just a weapon, but also a smile, a warmth, a tenderness inside. They called you one of the Eyes, and I called you a friend, my family, my home.

We never saw each other face to face — yet, somehow, you were _all_ _that could ever need_ , and much more than I could ever dream of.

I never lacked in love — I always had you, after all, protecting and comforting me, all this time.


	38. Imperfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve/Verloren, told by Eve.  
> Het couple, character death, some... bashing? Is it, really? Eh...

**Thirty-eighth: _Imperfection_**

_If this is a mistake, so am I. — Eve_

If you are still able to heal, I am sure it is due to the love that thrums inside of you, guiding you in your way. I am _sure_ , after all, you are so _kind_. So… _right_ , even if not the most _beautiful_ — _terrifying_ , yes, but so… open about your love. Someone so… warm, sweet, lovely.

Someone who always made me smile simply from your presence, even when you complained that I shouldn’t be here, saying that you were a Death God and could not feel love, could not feel _anything_.

Quick secret: you did. You were so full of love, so full of tenderness, so full of warmth, it _hurt_.

And then, Father came with his self-righteousness and knowledge, claiming you were _imperfect_. That it was a _mistake_. That you were suffering from a bug, from a _defect_ , and that you needed to be _fixed_ — or, if that was impossible, _avoided_ , at least, since you were ‘dangerous’.

Dangerous. Dangerous for feeling love. Dangerous for not being dead. _Dangerous_ for showing me kindness when I was lost, for fulfilling my selfish wishes, and giving me advice whenever I had an argument with my oh-so holy _Father_.

Dangerous for being full of warmth. Dangerous for being the person I _loved_.

Someone so special couldn’t be dangerous. Someone so special couldn’t be a _mistake_. And I couldn’t just stay here, quiet, when my own Father, your own creator, kept claiming you needed to be fixed, you needed to be avoided, because your ability to love was a _bug_.

I couldn’t stay quiet when you had saved so many times in the past even if you had no reason to do so — even if, by all means, you should be avoiding me, maintaining your “perfection” clear.

I couldn’t stay quiet hearing my own Father correct himself, saying that — no, it wasn’t that your ability to _love_ was a mistake, but that you simply _couldn’t_ love, and this _mirage_ , this _illusion_ of love was _clearly_ the product of the defect that had tainted you. The defect that needed to be cut out and burned. The defect that made you think you had a heart, when you were nothing more than a cold ghost.

… I couldn’t stay here quiet, when my love felt like lies, because apparently our whole interaction was supposed to be an illusion. A product of the mind — no, better yet, a product of an error.

I couldn’t stay quiet, when you were locked into a cell and ready to face your own execution, feeling this was _right_.

It was not. It could _never_ be right. Love could never be a mistake. If love was symbol of imperfection, then Father never created a single perfect thing in his whole life. If you were a mistake, then so was I. If loving me was a death sentence, then I should be by your side, burning with you.

Because, Verloren — my dear, sweet, kind, warm, _beautiful_ , Verloren — I loved you as much as you loved me, and there was _nothing wrong_ with that.

If Father could only see an error…

Well. Let him _fix_ us together, then.


	39. Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito & Ayanami, told by Teito.  
> Characters death, some angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay on chapters. As a result, I'm posting two chapters together. Yay? Hope you enjoy the double Ayanami/Verloren thing...

**Thirty-ninth: _Sadness_**

_Even if you deny, it burns inside of you. — Teito Klein_

It hurt to hear you out. Not because of your words, but because of how you said them. Even when your sentence was filled with cruel meaning, your voice brimmed with pain, a pain that bleed into your eyes, a pain that seemed to _never go away_.

You tried to make it sound like you never regretted a thing you did, yet you still suffered with it — so clear as your guilt. You blamed yourself (rightfully, yes), and hated yourself for it. And, in turn, you blamed yourself for your pain, you hated yourself for your guilt, because this was all your _duty_. You should not feel a thing about it. You shouldn’t.

Yet. When you admitted, trying for a smirk, _“Yes. I killed my mother, my father and Krom in Raggs,”_ your voice had been brimming with pain, and your eyes had begged for understanding in those short moments before Verloren took over. Took over the pain, consuming it, _burning hotter_ with it. Because even if _Ayanami_ — no, _Krowell_ , the child and the brother — found sadness in those deaths, Verloren couldn’t see that. Verloren could only find rightness as he completed, coldly:

_“Since I fell in this world to the War of Raggs, for a long while, almost a millennia, I have been stealing souls. Just as I did to Eve.”_

But — no, not _coldly_.

There was anger. There was harshness. There was a burning kind of destruction that I wasn’t used to — but there was also a small part of Verloren that seemed to find _something_ in it. Some kind of hurt. Some kind of fragility that needed to be buried deep down. Some kind of… emptiness.

Verloren tried for coldness, and somehow ended up lost.

Somehow, even the reaper had someone he cared about. Somehow, even the God of Death felt pain for a death he had caused.

Somehow, unwittingly, I found my own answer in a face I never expected.

I had always thought that Ayanami was incapable of feeling pity, affection or remorse. I was wrong. Not only was _Ayanami_ capable of feelings — so was Verloren, burning and revolving inside of him, inside of _you_. Both of you were capable of feelings, both of you had a heart, and both of you held sadness in your eyes.

I hadn’t expected to feel pity or even to understand you. I guess everyone can be wrong — I never expected you to be my family, either, only a killer, after all.

Because — yes. You are a killer. You killed my grandparents. You killed my father. You killed my uncle. You killed my best friend. But you were also my uncle, my family, the blood that ran in my veins, the last fragment of a life I long lost; and in the end, all that mattered was that you _had_ a heart. You were a killer.

But you didn’t feel _proud_ of that.

_Eve. My grandparents. My father_. Names you regret adding to your list. Names you never wished to have crossed out of life.

Well. You were my uncle. You were my family. You were my last bond I never expected.

It felt only right to save you as well.


	40. Where are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Verloren/Eve, told by Verloren.  
> Character death.

**Fortieth: _Where are you?_**

_I have searched for you for so long. Where can I find you? — Verloren_

Such a brilliant, bright soul. Such a shining, blinding smile. So beautiful, delicate and _kind_ , that there is no doubt you’re anything but _perfect_.

When you smiled, you seemed to shine so brightly… Just like a light, blinding everyone around, while attracting every soul in proximity. It was dangerous — yet, at the same time, alluring. It held a breathlessness that made me _dare_ , a thrill that made me defy. Your presence was such a gift that not even the threats of your father, not even the threats on our lives, could make me pull away; not when the pain of separation seemed so much more looming than any imaginable obstacle in our future.

You were charming to a point I followed you, even when I knew I should not — just because I _knew_ that you were so reckless you were sure to end up in danger. I followed you, even when I knew I couldn’t lie to save face, and I would end up being found out, simply because _it wasn’t your time yet_.

(It wasn’t time for me to see your face, cold and unseeing. Your eyes, unfocused and numb. Your lips, lifeless and open, your voice forever lost to me. It wasn’t time for me to come and hold you in my arms, however much I _longed_ for your touch.)

It wasn’t your time.

Yet, here you were, staring at me — dead and cold and unseeing, and forever _gone_.

You died trying to save me from your father. Died trying to fix an imperfection that should never exist. You died for _my_ mistakes.

I was never in so much pain as in that moment when I looked down and saw you, wasting away just before my eyes. Your bright, beautiful soul fading from my life. Fading from my _reach_ — just when I finally managed to grasp you.

You were my everything, even when I tried not to, and when I lost you, I lost _me_.

When your father had come to arrest me, I had been ready to die — ready to be _fixed_ , as long as I could see you again, afterwards, even if I never _felt_ like I always did whenever I saw you. However, the simple fact you had come to me… when I saw your face, smiling and cheerful and oh-so fierce, staring me down and telling me to _run_ , I was so _happy_. I felt whole, for a moment. Fixed, at last, because _there you were_. I was perfect, in that moment. A perfect creation, a perfect state, a perfect being.

And then — then you were right on my way, receiving the strike meant for me, _falling in my arms, at last_ — blood ran in my arms, because you were _dying_ , and even so you managed to _break me_.

_“Everything is okay, now…,”_ you whispered, because you were light and love and _pain_ , and I couldn’t lose you, but here you were, bleeding out on me. _“I will always be… by your side…”_

And while the pain took me whole, while I felt myself break for you, I felt — happy. Grateful. You were finally here, in my arms, and I was finally _free_. I was so high I could fly and, was this what love felt like?

(I loved that. I loved this feeling. I loved you, here, in my arms, looking only at me. I loved you. I loved that you were _mine_.)

But.

But you were _dead_ , and if you were dead you couldn’t be in my arms anymore, so…

What should I do?

_Of course,_ I realized slowly. _I should go to Earth. No one can pull us apart there._

It was so simple. No one could take you from me on Earth, not even your father. It was so _simple_ I was surprised I had to even think about it. Why was I here, still?

So, I fell, holding you close — and then, there I was, on Earth… alone.

(God. It _must_ have been God. Your father always hated me. He always hated _us_ , together. He must have… He…)

Something had happened, it was clear. _Damn_ Him and His nosiness. Why had He interfered? I just wanted…

… I just wanted _you_. I just wanted to be _happy_. I just wanted…

(Love, pain, fire in my veins. The burning desire that took my mind. Your eyes, focused only on me. Your touch, your skin under mine. I wanted… I _wanted_ …)

Well. It was easy. If you weren’t _here_ … I just needed to find you. You couldn’t have _ran way_ , after all. If I look enough… if I look inside of _each one_ , I should find your soul, brighter than any other.

If I… _eat_ them… there shouldn’t be anything standing in my way to you. Nothing would stop me, after all. Even if I have to eat every other soul on Earth, I _will_ find your light, Eve.

Even if you don’t wish to look at me anymore when I do, I’ll do it. Because… because I _need you_.

… I _need you_.


	41. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve/Verloren, told by Eve.  
> Canonical character death.

**Forty-first: _Light_**

_And now I am light — Eve._

Alive, I never thought too much on the _after_ — I lived in Heaven, after all. What could come _after_ that?

And then — I died. I died, and didn’t even get my right to a common end.

Verloren took me with him to Earth, and. Well, I can’t say I _disliked_ it, since I _wanted_ to be with him — but then, I needed a body to reach that end, and I had died in Heaven, and here I was, wandering on Earth with nothing to hold me. I suppose that those who die in Heaven reach the Void, afterwards. I suppose I would have simply disappeared, had I remained _there_ … but I didn’t. I didn’t disappear, because I didn’t _remain_ ; instead, I fell down to Earth, where nothing was the same, and everything was so _unique_.

I had no body, and while I _was_ soul, my soul was not strong enough to reincarnate into someone else. Thus, I couldn’t _be_ with Verloren, unfortunately, even if I longed to with my whole being.

So, I took my only chance, and took the easy way out. Instead of disappearing or standing in place, waiting for an opportunity for the _chance_ to reincarnate, perhaps, somewhere along the way, I chose to… spread. To make myself thinner, and make myself _present_. I wouldn’t have a body, and I wouldn’t have a _soul_ , but I was still _me_ , I was still the same Eve I had always been, and I could still _be here_ — with every single person in this world.

And this time around, I would protect that which I held dear with my own hands, even if I was no longer visible.

So, even if I cried deeply inside, grieving the lost chances I always wanted to have, I took myself apart, and gave my own soul to everyone around. I started living in every single human in this world, living in their hearts up to their deaths. I was the one offering them comfort when they were in pain, and the one filling them when they felt empty. I was the one who made so much of human life, and so much of _life_ itself:

I was love.

Because while some said that we are shadows and dust, I daresay we can be more accurately brought apart to love and light. Because shadows and dust are important in creation, but love and light make us _move_. Love and light are what guide humans, they are what guide _life_. One can be made out of shadows and dust as they much desire, but, in the end, we brim with so much _more_ — and so much less. We thrive in nothing, and we bloom in everything.

When given a chance, I chose love. When dying, I chose light.

I was barely a soul, but I was _alive_ — I was alive, because I _was_ Light, I was the light that burned inside of everyone, and the love that drove all life, and in the end, really, that’s all that mattered.

And perhaps I had no body, and perhaps I was majorly dead…

But I was here, I could protect those I loved, and I could still love Verloren, with all my heart.


	42. Seasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Verloren/Eve, told by Verloren.  
> Canon Character Death.

**Forty-second: _Seasons_**

_No matter when, please. Just be there — Verloren._

You never listened to me. _Never_. And, somehow, instead of pissing me off, that… made me _cheerful_. The Because it meant you’d be there, no matter what. That meant that you’d be there even after I sent you away, even when I tried to kick you out by strength — you would be there, because you kept _coming back_.

And I… liked that. I liked that idea, that _dream come true_. I liked that every day, despite my complaining, I could just _wait_ , and you would show up, unerringly.

I liked that, even when I asked you to leave, you could see that I was only trying to hide my desire for you to _stay_. I liked that… that you never bragged about it, despite _knowing_ about it. I liked all of that, because it made you, _you_. And because I knew I was in the wrong — I knew you couldn’t belong to me, I knew you were God’s child, and _way too good_ for me —, but I just couldn’t keep hoping for _more_.

I couldn’t stop myself from _longing_ when you’d finally go. Because, despite everything, it was your smile that made me _happy_. Because it was you — because you were that warm, gentle light that touched me inside and kept me _going_. The honest smile, the kind eyes, the warmth of your presence, and the simple light of your soul.

Because, even though I couldn’t, even though I _shouldn’t_ , I just… felt _better_ around you. I just couldn’t stop dreaming of being with you, again and again. Of… of being able to call you _mine_ , Eve. I wished to be able to call you mine, on…

On “winter”, when snow was falling silently and covering the ground, and your laugh rung like bells on the chilled air.

On “spring”, when the wind would bring with the most beautiful blossoms of all, that would still pale before your face.

On “summer”, when the days were bright and full of life, and _you_ were my sun.

On “autumn”, when life went away, the leaves became darker, and you were the only life I could still reach.

I wanted to be able to call you mine all year round, to call you mine today, tomorrow, and yesterday. I wanted to be able to call you mine for a minute alone, if that was all that I’d be allowed, because even that would make me happy.

And I know it would, because I would always be so anxious, so nervous just waiting for you; waiting for that grin that played on your lips, that sweet voice that just _blabbered_ about everything and nothing at all, about the small, fragile hands that seemed to try to make you fly — about you, being so childish and pure, grinning and waving, calling out for me and just being an _annoyance_ on my side, and the only thing I could ever want.

So, even when you died in my arms, I kept waiting.

Because I _knew_ , you’d always show up. No matter _what_ , you’d always come to me. When you said I had love in me, that love had guided me true, all I could think about was that you must be right; after all, love had guided me to _you_. So, when you died, smiling and warm in my hands, I waited.

You would be back, right? Or… or maybe I should follow you. After all… love would guide me to you, no matter what.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito & Mikage, told by Teito.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finishing translating this story, and, because I have discarded _many_ chapters which I didn't like anymore, my estimative was somewhat wrong, and there will be... 55-56 chapters, in total. Hm.  
>  Anyway, maybe I'll start posting every two days, instead of every three, because it's easier to remember.

**Forty-third: _I dream_**

_… of having you back” — Teito Klein._

For all the smiles you offered me, for the hand you reached out, for the love you taught me, and for the light you brought me: thank you, my friend.

Thank you for giving me so many opportunities. Thank you for having been my friend, having been my family — especially when I had nothing. Thank you.

You were that that made me continue when I was ready to give up. When you came back — the smallest dragon, just a tiny bit, fluffy thing that Frau had “found around” —, you offered me a reason for which to fight for. Because, for someone who had nothing, you, with your smiles and kindness, was _everything_.

So when I heard about the Land of Seelee — an unexpected find during my search about my past —, I only had one wish in my mind. One dream I could ever dream of.

I wanted you to live. Or, more than that, I wanted to be able to live with you, once again.

I wanted to give you back your life — the very same life that had been stolen because of _me_ , in the first place — so you could be as happy as you made me. I wanted to give you back life, and I wanted to be there to see you happy. Because to me, you were _everything_.

And, honestly, I just wanted to say thank you, again.


	44. Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayanami/Teito, told by Ayanami.  
> Talk of... mental illness? Uh. What do you call "soul deterioration" and "reincarnation taking over"? (well. It's that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I'm late. So, double chapter coming up.

**Forty-fourth: _Illusion_**

_Because sometimes, a simple delusion can become your best friend — Ayanami._

For how long did I shackle myself to the illusion made up by my guilty mind? For how long did I fool myself, waiting for it all to be a mistake?

I wonder how long it was since I first saw you. Since I first met you. How long it is that I am shackled by invisible and fragile chains?

Ever since I met you, looking at your face is a struggle: because that’s a face I love, because that’s a face that brings back memories I chose to forget. And not every memory is good or full of love, and way too long has gone through since I last believed that love is anything but to destroy. And I have already brought destruction to way too many people in my fleeting life.

Knowing I _was_ mistaken, after all, was a relief. I _was_ able to, after all. These were not the fragments of emotions born from another’s soul. These were _my_ emotions, my feelings, burning deep inside since I first saw you. Feelings I hadn’t felt since I last murdered a Raggs’ family member. Since I last murdered someone of _my family_.

This was affection. More than that, this was desire. Attraction. Passion. It was the thrilling appeal of love, in such a way I never felt before. A devastating, self-consuming, _terrifying_ love that made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t felt since I first faked my death.

And the best part yet, it was _my_ love, and no one else’s. Because your faces were similar, but not the same. Because your soul was just as charming, but not as _pure_. Because that feeling maybe resembled one of a deep lost memory, but it burned in _me_ , and not in a long lost Ghost.

Because this, this being in front of me, was simply _Teito_ , and not the ghost of Eve, not the ghost of a love that I never held. This was _Teito_ , who I, as _Ayanami_ , desired, not the dead woman that my past reincarnation felt so obsessed about.

Somehow, that felt way better than I expected it to. Somehow, the idea of having been mistaken was never as _thrilling_ as in the moment I looked into your soul…

And found no trace whatsoever of the one thing Verloren had been searching for all this time.


	45. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl (Ea) & Teito, told by Karl | Ea.

**Forty-fifth: _Time_**

_I sit and observe, and time goes by — Kal | Ea._

That little, imprisoned child does not exist any longer. That child has grown wings, now, even though I still remember when I was first ordered to watch you. Just a sklave, a mere war slave. A simple toy to be broken, for the military.

No one knew the truth, no one knew of your courage. No one could see your smile that slowly grew dimmer.

While I sat watching the time go by, I searched for that cute child you once were. I searched for humanity in what was once a fountain, and found a dimming kindness in the concern for a mute maid. In the gifts, offered willingly, in the shy smiles taken by force.

I watched, and for a while that was enough. For a while, that bond was enough, that small kindness was enough.

But I still felt it inside of me, the empty space where happiness should be. I still felt the hole where your smile once burned, the darkness where your love once shined.

I swore not to interfere, but I still hoped you survived. I swore not to care, but I still hurt when you cried.

Your escape… it was the best gift I could think of, and the last hope I could hold.

Seeing you again, smiling for once?

It was a miracle I would never give up on.


	46. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzunami & Yukinami & Teito, told by Suzunami & Yukinami.

**Forty-sixth: _One_**

_Not two, not three. One. — Suzunami & Yukinami_

We wandered so long, being nothing and no one, hoping for no future and leaning on no past, that having someone like you before us made us scared.

You were strong. Brave. Fierce. And, above all, kind. You were scary, because you weren't ’ommon. You were like us, but totally different, just as well.

Your smile, the uncaring way you waved our “past” away, your simplistic gestures and your light voice. You were special, you were amazing, and you were… _novelty_.

We were so grateful, for that. For all our lives we had been two and no one. The change smarted and it _burned_ , bright and too beautiful to stare at. Too beautiful to listen to. Too incredible to believe in.

You were such a different force of nature, we couldn’t believe our hearts.

Yet, here you were; speaking our language, singing our song, being our brethren, and… and for the first time in our lives, we were three, and for the first time in our lives, we were _one_.


	47. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito/Frau, told by Teito.  
> Slash.

**Forty-seventh: _Cold_**

_I feared the cold would never go away — Teito Klein._

Standing by your side was being forever afraid. It was being afraid and suffering with the unknown, for so much I loved you that the not knowing if you’d make it was terrifying.

For when I touched you, your skin was cold. Your fingers on my hand sent me shocks, and your chest was a hollowing _emptiness_ that echoed in its ghastly lack of sound.

There were no thumping, beating sounds under your chest, no heart to show me your life, despite all my best efforts. No matter how much I tried, how much I pushed and offered, you never felt _alive_.

You never felt the warmth of my skin, you never felt the coldness of the snow. You froze in the winter before you even realized the frost in your fingers, and you spent hours in the scalding water before you felt remotely warm to my senses.

You never seemed alive, even when I saw you moving, eating or laughing — you never seemed alive, even when your voice rumbled in my ears, your chuckle trembled under my hands, and your chest rose under my cheeks. You breathed, but you didn’t need to. You moved, but you didn’t really seem to. You lived with me, but you never seemed to stay. You lived, yet you were dead underneath, cold and still, and I just…

I _feared_. I feared so much, but mainly I feared you’d never wake up. I feared you’d lay to sleep and never open your eyes anymore, cold and still, just another corpse in my path.

I feared because your hunger moved you now, but your cold ate you alive, even when you didn’t even had a life to be eaten. I feared, because your chest moved, but the breath was useless. I feared, because at any moment, at the bat of an eye, you could lose yourself — and then I’d lose you, and then I’d have nothing but the cold.

The cold and the empty nothingness of your unmoving chest.


	48. At last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Verloren/Eve.  
> Het romance.

**Forty-eight: _At last…_**

_I could see you again — Verloren._

Centuries and millennia went by at the bat of an eye. Pain, angry and longing burning inside, conflicting feelings warring for space in my chest that were ignored with in my daily existence.

Instead, I focused only on my objective, I focused only on the only thing that _mattered_.

Lives extinguished around me, bodies falling to the ground, days and nights crossing by senselessly; so many souls corrupted, so much blood covering my hand, so many people incapable of showing me who I looked for — and so few people capable of distracting me even for a moment.

Even so, _she_ never came. It was such a useless, relentless, fruitless search.

I sought her for so many eons, empty and incomplete, aching and broken, and I never saw even a glimpse of that which I sought. I looked everywhere, and found naught.

Naught but a smile, a small hope, that shocked me into silence. With just a glimpse, all the love, sadness, longing, pain, anger, fondness, happiness… All the time I waited to see her, all the time waiting for the time that was finally here, and with just a glimpse, I lost it all. I could do _nothing_.

_Eve_.

There she was… Right in front of me. Speaking. Smiling. Watching me. Loving. The very same Eve that I had always searched for, the very same Eve I had always known.

This was _my_ Eve.

I wanted to tell her so much — _I can see you at last_ , I wanted to whisper. I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted to tell her I never forgave those who killed her. I wanted to tell her that and so much more, and I _wanted_ so much more, but…

But in the end, I could only smile.

In the end, I could only accept; if this was my ending, then so be it. If this was it, then I’d be happy.

Because she was _here_. At last, she was _here_ , with me.

And that was more than enough.


	49. The end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito-centric.  
> Spoilers for chapter 99.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Welp, almost there, anyway, so, uh, one today and one tomorrow. And we should be ending on chapter 57, by the way. Hm...

**Forty-ninth: _The end_**

_The end is naught but a new beginning — Teito Klein._

The time had come. Seelee… goodbye… all the happy memories, all the painful memories, all the path I had travelled this far…

They were all there for me. Hakuren, Ouka, Frau, Lance, Castor, Labrador… even Father — or, well, my Uncle, Fea. They were all there for me, to see me off, and I was so _glad_ ; I was so happy to see them one last time, to be able to tell them goodbye…

I knew the ending was close, but I was just so _happy_ about all of this.

When I tried to tell them that, however, I found myself unable to, mouth too dry, words too far apart, everything just _too much_ — and then Mikage was biting me again, and Hakuren was pulling him away, telling me he was annoyed with me, and then, when I least expected it, I was being embraced.

I was so happy. I could feel tears stinging in my eyes, and I could feel my heart warming up, and I just felt so _happy_. It was contradictory; I was about to die, I was about to end it all, there would be no coming back after this… yet I felt the happiest I could remember, here in these final moments, embraced by everyone I cared about, filled with all the feelings of _everyone_ I had ever loved.

In those last few moments of warmth and kindness, I finally managed to find myself. I finally managed to find my peace. When I spoke, I spoke the truth. When I told them goodbye, I had no regrets. When I told them I was going, I felt relief at the idea of offering them a moment of peace.

And it was that one moment of peace, that one moment of love, kindness and heart-warming longing that gave me enough strength to promise them the one thing I didn’t know if I could keep, but that I would make damn sure to _try_ : _“I’ll come back for you.”_

And I would. I would, because these, right here, were all the people who _mattered_ , and God be damned if He tried to stop me.


	50. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fea Kreuz & Teito Klein, told by Fea.

**Fiftieth: _Together_**

_We can be a family again — Fea Kreuz._

My son. My nephew. My dear Teito. Alive. Surviving, even after so long by himself. Alive for me to come back, at last.

My family. The memory of my brother, for the sake of my little one’s happiness… and of my own.

Even though I had watched him grow up, I could never touch him, I could never speak to him. I had been locked away inside someone else, a mere watcher about everything related to my son’s life.

I suffered alongside him, and I laughed with him. I watched him smile and cry, and I watched him grow from the child I left behind to the point where he now stood. To the point where he was now a grown, surprisingly stable, _reliable_ and striking young man.

This… this was the same Teito who was once Tiashe. And, despite all this time, this was still the same Teito I loved, the same Teito who’d tried to stand by the side of all those he loved, even in the midst of a war.

This was still the same boy I once knew, and that made me so _glad_.

Because he was still a happy boy, he was still pure and kind. He was still that child I was proud of calling my son — even though he was not —, and of taking in as my family.

And now, after years apart, we were _finally_ together, once again. And this time, I didn’t plan on letting you go.

Not even by force, because that had happened once, and it had been the single most painful thing I had to do up until now. Family is the most precious thing I still have in this world, and God be damned if I’ll let it escape me again.

And Teito is my only family, which makes him my most special treasure. And treasures must be cared for with much love and care — even after our death.


	51. Tadaima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castor | Xing-lu Hausen centric.  
> Character death. Character rebirth (because when you think that's never gonna be a tag, you're wrong).

**Fifty-first: _Tadaima_**

_At last, I am back — Xing-lu Hausen._

I was dead… and now I wasn’t. Yet, even now, I couldn’t just walk in between those who had once seen me die. Even if they were now able to see me again, it was not rational, not explainable. I had died — they had seen it. Me being alive was… a miracle. A miracle they wouldn’t quite be able to grasp.

For that reason, I planned only to visit my mother’s grave, leaving her the flowers I always craved to give her. Offering her the prayers she so deserved, praying for her happiness and protection in the next life.

And that would be enough, that was all I asked, for I was still a dead-man walking, even when I had a beating-heart once again.

Except, that proved not to be possible.

I was seen, but not rejected. I wasn’t attacked. No one treated me as a dead man; instead, they took me in with arms wide open, treated me just as they used to when I was just a little child.

They hugged me, smiled at me, cried for having me back. They loved me, and showed me just how much they missed me, and, in my heart, the pain I had always felt, the longing I had always buried, disappeared slowly, soothed down at being home again.

At last, in the arms of those I loved, and those I once called family, I let myself admit that, yes, _I was back_. And when I returned to those whom I had met when I was dead, I was able to smile and admit that I had missed my family, that I was happy for having met them again.

So, thinking to myself, I could admit that, at last, I was just as whole as I once was. Or as I had never been. And I was completely glad for it, too.


	52. A million thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frau-centric.

**Fifty-second: _A million thanks_**

_Would be incapable of expressing how thankful I was — Frau._

Even stuck to this job — of which I complain, even though I am not exactly against —, I am still happy and grateful. And whenever I go down to Earth, I always lose myself in thoughts, trying to picture each one of you, trying to imagine your life now.

I always wonder if you are smiling. If the brat is well. Because, of course I knew he was back; once he had dragged me to my so-called “final fate”, releasing me of the scythe, I spent a long time watching _his_ destiny.

Watching his reunion — I was even part of it, in fact —, watching his choice of being reborn (and his wishes had to be the most self-sacrificing wishes ever, knowing his new ones), and watching him being born a second time, from the womb of the same woman.

And I felt so happy he would have a second chance. A second chance that wouldn’t be corrupted by war, a life where he wouldn’t lose his family, a life where he would be able to live with those he loved and those he’d come to love.

And everyone would be happy for it. Including me.

I was stuck to this job, but I did it without batting an eye, because it gave me the best opportunities to come down to Earth and take a peek into the life of those I loved. I could smile and watch everyone having fun, remembering the life I once had besides the brat I…

And this job might not give me many opportunities, but I loved it for the chances I had to watch everyone I had ever loved. And it might not let me mingle, but I still wished them all the best, I still wished them many happy years together, smiling forever.

Because I knew they would forget me, but I also knew I would never forget them, even after their deaths. Because, after all, we were… family. And I was grateful for every one of them.

Even if I told them a thousand thanks, it would never be enough to express the whole of my gratitude, because the warmth that burned inside was something I had never met before all of you. All the thanks would fall short, because you all showed me all the love I never thought I would experience.

So, I never told them a thanks. I never said anything, because I always thought it wouldn’t be enough. I never said anything, just smiled and wished them the best, because… well. It might not be the best but…

It would have to be enough.


	53. Life and chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito-centric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The maximum of chapters has been changed. It will be 56 only, 'cuz I cut one out. Got tired of that one, eh.  
> So, three more chapters of the 100th Kapitel, and that's it. We're done.

**Fifty-third: _Life and chance_**

_A life or two, so many chances in between — Teito Klein._

A life, so many smiles, an unshakeable companion. A second chance.

There was once a time when I brought nothing but destruction and sadness for where I walked by, and there was once a time when fighting for my own continued survival was more than I could live with. In my second chance (or third, or fourth; how many were there, now? A life with my father and stepmother. A life with my uncle, my Father, my Far-san. A life as a slave. A life as a bishop. A life under Ayanami’s control. A life finding myself. In a single life, how many chances did I have?), I grew up with a single memory. I grew and lived and was loved for all of my short — but so much longer than I ever expected — life. I had people who loved me through all my path, I had the support of friends of a past life, I had vague, badly remembered memories of all that I had gone through.

I had, always by my side, a faithful companion that would never abandon me, even after death.

I fought, in my second chance, not for my life. Not for a stone filled with power. Not for ghosts long dead. I fought, in this life, for the only reason I ever _chose_ to fight for. I fought for the good of a nation I had long ago abandoned, a nation I had once inherited.

I fought for Raggs. I fought to save Raggs, the kingdom of my father, the kingdom of my uncles, the fallen kingdom that should have been mine. I fought to save a people that had been beaten down into silence, but that was still strong and sharp.

I fought for the inheritance of a blood that had lost its value, and I took back the value of a bloodline that started again.

With the help of my friends ( _always_ ), I brought back happiness to a kingdom that had been burned to the ground.

And, at the end of my success, I smiled to my children and grandchildren, and laid down besides Mikage, who had never abandoned me, not even for a second, and knew, in that moment, that it was there that I would say my goodbyes.

In those moments, I allowed myself all the memories that had faded away after all these years, and I allowed myself to imagine the look in my grandchildren’s face (so sweet, so brilliant, so promising), and I allowed myself to mourn for Mikage, who’d still live centuries more before he was allowed to be reborn once again.

At the end of those moments, with heavy eyes, I smiled and thought about all those I’d face on the other side, and I smiled.

It was time.


	54. Chance meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito-centric (or Teito & The Whole Cast).

**Fifty-fourth: _Chance meetings_**

_One day, either in life or in death, we all knew we’d meet again — Teito Klein._

Death, unlike what many feared, wasn’t painful. Or bad. To me, it was simply another friend.

Literally.

The first I saw was, as expected, Death. Frau didn’t look a day older than the last time I’d seen him, but — I suppose that was simply another consequence of becoming a Shinigami. And, as usual, he didn’t waste a moment before insulting me, even though he smiled the whole time.

It was kinda adorable.

I suppose that I might have caught him by surprise with the hug, but there was something about being dead that made you stop _resisting_. Why act like a brat when I had already lived to the point of being a grandfather? At the same time, why should I be mature when I could do whatever I damn well wanted, since I was _already dead_?

The next people I saw were also expected, in a way. Expected in that I knew I would see them again, but not that I would seem then _now_. Castor, Labrador, Hakuren, Lazette, Ouka… all of those who’d died before me, and still, here they were, waiting for me. In my chest, a burning feeling took over. Was it longing? Happiness? Hope? Gratefulness? Sadness? The long lost feeling of missing a person who wasn’t there — that suddenly _was_?

I smiled, but this time I had no sudden impulse of jumping and hugging the hell out of them. There was, of course, a bright happiness. Hakuren, who’d accepted to become my friend, even though he knew I brought nothing but bad luck. Castor and Labrador, so close, so happy at last, who’d guided me for so long. Lazette, still incapable of speech, but still as affectionate as a mermaid could be. And Ouka… Ouka, who’d guided me in my most recent duty, who’d stood by my side for a good part of my path, the companion who’d known exactly what I had gone through as Mikhail’s vessel; the one who had loved me as a brother, and the one whom I’d loved as a sister.

My family, the one whom I’d had for the longest of times.

And I was barely over my emotions of seeing them again when there came Hyuuga, with that same annoying smirk and those same damned glasses that hid away half of his face. Hyuuga, who was coming near, and I didn’t know why, but I prepared for any option either way, be it running away or punching his face — and then there was Kuroyuri, smiling, his only eye staring and me for half a second before he was dragging me away.

People whom I’d known on the other side of the war, people who I’d met (with whom I’d even had some relationship!) during my time with no memories living among the military again, passed me through, faces relaxed at last, and happier than I’d ever seen. People who had found happiness in death, when in life they’d known nothing but war and grief.

It was sad, painful, concerning. It was sweet. So many people suffer when alife — and so many find peace after death.

Lost in my own thoughts, I took a while to realize what Kuroyuri was telling me as he dragged me along, and took even longer to realize who I was seeing before me.

Ayanami.

Somehow, however, I wasn’t angry for seeing him. The person who’d killed my father, my adoptive father, my very first friend… and the sight of him brought me not anger or hate, but happiness and a relief that not even I had expected.

After so long suffering, after so long chained to Verloren, Ayanami was here again, in the Heaven from which he’d been kicked out so long ago.

And, strangely enough, he’d asked _for me_.

It seemed that, really, everything in death could be summarized to a series of encounters and forgiveness.


	55. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teito & Ayanami, told by Teito.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted last chapter with some delay, so here you have a new chapter with some haste. And next chapter is the last one. So, hope you like this.

**Fifty-Fifth: _Peace_**

_There is no peace in vengeance, and there is no happiness without peace — Teito Klein._

Ayanami, Krowell, Verloren — names were many in few years, and to me, I could never call you anything but Ayanami, were you my uncle, the military’s executioner, or the first Shinigami. In the end, to me, you were Ayanami, the one whose eyes warmed little by little, and Ayanami, who loved Eve to the point that you were ready to destroy the world in search of her soul, and Ayanami who even though you were my enemy still offered me a shelter.

You were not a particularly good person, or even someone I needed to like, but still, somehow, after so many fights and misunderstandings, I still reached forgiveness. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but when you see someone from the inside, when you someone’s past and fears, it is hard to keep on hating that person.

And, in the end, hate brings nothing but more hate and solitude.

You might not be able to understand, but in the end, it wasn’t hard to make the choice I made back in Seelee. Given the choice, I’d made it again. Having known you, having seen your past, having seen your _soul_ , it wasn’t hard to conclude you needed a second chance, just as much as any other person. Because, despite the fact you tried to destroy the world, despite the fact you raised a massacre all around, in the end you still loved with such devotion that a normal person would have burned to ashes in your place.

You tell me ‘thank you’, but I only think that you should have a chance to meet Eve inside someone else. I think that, as a human being, you could learn and give the right value to even the smallest things of life, the small experiences that bring us pain and peace in equal share.

You might believe me to be naïve and gullible, but, in the end, my reasoning was so less righteous. I wanted you to have a chance, because you were _able_ to love… and because, human, you would also be able to feel pain. There is no peace of happiness in vengeance, but there can be vengeance in peace. I wished you a life, because you deserved it, but at the same time that I forgave you and was able to somehow develop something close to affection for you, I also felt, deep down, that you would suffer, for every human always suffers, and a little temperate suffering would make you no harm.

… And maybe it would bring me some happiness, as well.

Still, I admit, the best part of my wish was seeing your smile at the end.

I guess, in the end, everyone, even the immortal, homicidal ones, find peace in their deaths. And you, Ayanami, filled with peace? There was no reason for me to deny a moment of affection when we were all going to be reborn soon enough, and in our next life, maybe I will have a chance to meet you again, with no memory and full of possibilities.


	56. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible for it to be death-centric? Perhaps 2nd person view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Last chapter. Uh. Never thought this would be finished, huh, even though I knew it was already finished when I started. Strange.  
> Anyway, hope you like it!

**Fifty-sixth: _Hallelujah_**

_“Peace, life, rebirth”_

So many lives gone by, so many still to come. When we are born, we fear death, as if it were the end, while in truth death was naught but a short period of in-between.

A short period in time for you to find those you’d loved in life, to say your goodbye to all those you’ve met, and to exchange a last barb with Death.

And then, when you least expect, all around you and inside you, light starts blooming. Light, like the one Eve once became after her death, and the one everyone return to.

Humans spend so long equaling death to darkness, only for all of them to disappear in light, in the end. Irony runs even in death.

And while you smile and feel peace inside you, you’re given a choice: on how you will be rebirthed. A choice and three wishes, and for every human being, one of the wishes is the same.

While you go out in light, you will lose your focus, you will think of all those you loved, all those who’ve loved you, and will make your last wish.

And every time, Death will smile upon you, and your light will be just one more among many others, disappearing here so they can be remade there.

And a bell goes out in a brain, a baby screams in the arms of a mother. One more soul taken, one more soul returned.

And, in the end, Death is the only one alone, waiting the next soul to come, waiting one more soul to direct along. While every soul comes and goes, none ever stays behind, and none of them ever makes them company. And while there’s an air of “hallelujah” in your breath, while there’s a hope in the air, there’s also an empty solitude that only immortals can understand.

And death, in the end, is only a cyclic run, a short period of a break in between lives, and lasts no more than a breath.

**Author's Note:**

> Again: updates every three days.  
> For anyone who leaves me a kudo, bookmark or comment, thank you very much.


End file.
